Maz, things you have missed...a collection.

2008-11-01T14:27:00.000Z

2008-08-30T00:35:00.004+01:00

Mass/Maz Effect

"A small furry mammal walks into a bar and orders a drink.  T
he bartender
says, "Sorry, our occupancy is only 6.02*10^20."  We
can't serve a mole."

What a laugh,anyway, someone already has their hand on the nobel prize f
or this year. It requires no introduction.

I give you, Maz' 1st

2008-08-25T23:19:00.005+01:00

EXCLUSIVE - SHENMUE 3

Shameless Ukresistance type post.

The Jackpie, returned frum Infest 2008 not with pictures of him dressed unsuitably...or with pictures of kebab shops he visited (tho' he probably did) but with good news - The First Screenshot Of Shenmue 3!!!

You can see just how much it's improved from Shenmue 2 - Shown Below for comparison. And if Max, they guy who I blatantly stole this from is correct then it looks like the mirrors from the end of Shenmue 2 is directly linked with Bradford. Crikey! My hunch is that the sword that was floating in mid air ends up in the tshirt aisle of the Zavvi on the right, between one of Kurt Cobain and Heath Ledger. The poetic justice.

Areas are set to include the first Morrisons supermarket and a QTE fancy bit based on the film 'Rita, Sue and Bob Too'

Disclaimer - The photo was stolen from an american dude called Dan. And Grambles, like the rest of the popultion never got to the end of either shenmue 1 or 2 but reads about it on Wiki then pretends that he actually did it. Wow, that wacky phoenix mirror...eh?

2008-08-25T22:07:00.004+01:00

PM Praise For Local Boy

Associated press (AP) - Prime minister Gordon Brown today took time out to congratulate a local boy for his stunning recent efforts. In what he claimed 'exceeded everything' that was accomplished by Team GB at the Olympics. Grambles has succesfully watched 57:31 of the film Postal before giving up, smashing both the olympic and world record by over 7 minutes. Grambles stated that he wanted to try and watch the whole film but his eyes gave up.

"I actually felt better within myself but my eyes just hadn't recovered from the marathon," she said.

It has totally crushed me emotionally

Grambles

The film as it happened

"There was just nothing in there. I thought I could keep watching even pace but my eyes just tightened.

2008-08-15T11:54:00.002+01:00

If I Was Sam Jackson I'd Be Shitting Bricks

2008-08-14T23:26:00.004+01:00

In case you've been living under a rock or in Sweden...

R.I.P. - Bernie Mac

R.I.P. - Isaac Hayes

Morgan Freeman - FTW!

2008-08-14T01:11:00.003+01:00

Don't look now...

...he's at it again. Lock up your daughters 'cause Alans gone crazy, and he's set to rape more than just your gamerscore. In an all new installment, Alan is...

2008-08-13T19:24:00.000+01:00

Introducing...........Phil Collins

2008-07-27T22:51:00.007+01:00

Sunday Supplement Report – 20/07/08

Dear Maz.

Just want to let you know in case you don't remember, last sunday we went to bier hof for some pizzas and a beer. You couldn't walk as fast as us due to your dodgy foot and drunken state, also you had mentioned doing the old henry hoover on some persian rugs the night before. You were quite rude to a gentleman on the walk up sausageroll st when he offered you a light in return for what he thought was a spare cigarette.

Anyway we had quite a good time at the bier hof. Me and Grambles split some pepperoni and spicy sausage pizzas between us, Alan had the Duck a la Rocket, and you had the Halal chorizo. We stayed on for a couple more beers and a coke for Alan Attack, you paid up and left us to go on a sex hunt. The last anyone would see of you for several days.

So in conclusion:

bag of speed - £30-
half bottle of buckfast - £2.99
taxi to getting your hole - £8-
failing to make it into work the next day, and feigning illness via email into the bargain - £PRICELESS

PS: I heard on the grapevine that a certain Peruvian shepherd was very angry at losing his cardigan and you've to return it immediately.

2008-07-14T22:20:00.002+01:00

Don't tell Burns.

Best Tshirt ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-07T23:19:00.000+01:00

Good game, good game

2008-07-07T20:25:00.000+01:00

BEST HOLIDAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-28T02:56:00.000Z

Tonight on mythbusters....

Jamie ends up pissed at a goth night and ends up pulling asian celebrity chef Nancy Lam. Adam isn't too pleased and has to go for a soothing bath to cool himself off.

Tune in next week for another exciting edition of: People Who Don't Really Look Like People But We Say Look Like People Looking Like People (Sponsored by Tennants)

2007-02-04T11:29:00.000Z

The mazen formulae -

X = (Y-1)+(Q*1.2358)

Where
X = The truth
Y = The story told (always base minus one)
Q = Number of witnesses present
1.2358 = The maz constant, applied due to a history of story telling.

Therefore, using the above formula find the truth to the following statement.

I had a nice kiss with three barmaids. There was no witnesses.

Answers on a postacard to Glen Michaels Cartoon Calvalcade, STV , Scotland.

2006-12-23T10:54:00.000Z

Message to Sweden -

Get it right.

2006-11-12T12:59:00.000Z

Coming Soon -

2006-09-17T22:26:00.000+01:00

Alan wiill bii thii onlii one who giits thiis but.

Watch the Iwata gets knocked down.

2006-09-17T17:15:00.000+01:00

I Love To Power Glove - It's So bad.

Please dont ninty.

Clicky

2006-09-15T12:04:00.000+01:00

I dont have as much time as you lazy student layabouts. So, here's big Divine

2006-09-14T12:07:00.000+01:00

I call this artwork, Grambles Afro Caribious

2006-09-14T00:35:00.000+01:00

PAINT FIGHT!!

No, not throwing some white gloss emulsion over each other, but rendering images in paint for some fun. Note - a lot of free time and not much of a life is required, ie. Ryan anytime hes not learning swedish with immigrants, Grambles anytime hes not bossing immigrants about train tracks, Mazen any time hes not being an immigrant, me anytime im not baulking at immigrants, Alan any time hes not trying to give tech advise to immigrants.

First the original pic.

Now the rebuttal.

The gauntlet has been toroughly thrown down, get to work boys.

2006-09-09T17:59:00.000+01:00

Sweden V EBM

So Burns is in deepest darkest Sweden (Hello Sofie!) And Paul is in deepest darkest EBM (Hello Marion!). But I decided to find out wat was better - Sweden or EBM? So roll up! Roll Up! Come and discover the delights of this scientific and completely unbiased Face Off, in the blue and yellow corner the sverge and in the black and black(with a glowstick) is the Electronic Body Music-ers.

ROUND ONE

Googlefight - always a favourite.

And.....HOLY SHIT!!! Sweden wins.

1-0 Swedes.

ROUND TWO

Music is the big thing here and the only way to check this - as comparing musical heritage would be a one-sided fight for the richest europeans. So Last.fm tags it is then.

Drum Roll... Scrolling in at number 87 is EBM - where does Sweden stand...Number 86. Point Sweden. Interestingly, both are 9 places below the tag "Canadian". Oh dear oh dear.

ROUND THREE

EBM has to win this one to compete in this best-of-five. FANDANG. Lets check out the pictures...

EBMs finest (Luna Vachon)

and Sweden wins by default.

3-0 Sweden.

Wow, didn''t expect that one.
I wonder if EBM would have won on the other rounds of furniture sellers, meatballs and countries that resembles flacid penises.

We'll never find out now...

2006-09-07T23:08:00.001+01:00

REPOST : FIXED THE SHITTY LINK

We all know good ol' Wes is long gone, so it cheers us up to reflect with this little gem (read 'mentalist'). A relative perhaps?

I can just hear it now:

I HATE THE CRAZY ASS DEVIL
HE TALKS TO ME IN MY HEAD LIKE AN ASSHOLE
THAT CRACKA MAKES ME HURT MYSELF REAL BAD
I CUT MYSELF IN THE ARMS WITH A BOX-CUTTER

I CUT THE SUCKA'S HE-AD OFF
I CUT THE SUCKA'S HE-AD OFF
I CUT THE SUCKA'S HE-AD OFF
I CUT THE SUCKA'S HE-AD OFF

ROCK OVER LONDON, ROCK ON CHICAGO
SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS

2006-09-07T20:36:00.000+01:00

Celebrity Face Off

Ryan as Cheeky Bastard

http://thatvideosite.com/view/1073.html

Grambles

Alan as Penfold

Paul as divine

Mazen as Reveen

as Blanka (stealing waens)

as Ricky

as Napoleon

2006-09-03T12:36:00.000+01:00

i·ro·ny (ī'rə-nē, ī'ər-)
n., pl. -nies.

1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.

2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.

3. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: “Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated” (Richard Kain).

Synonyms: backhanded compliment,Paul Cooper, banter, burlesque, contempt, contrariness, criticism, derision, humor, incongruity, jibe, mockery, mordancy, paradox, quip, raillery, repartee, reproach, ridicule, sardonicism, satire, taunt, twist, wit

2006-09-02T09:03:00.000+01:00

willsmile | August 30, 2006

In deep shit at present.
Hope to get back online though chances are slim.
Thanks for all comments and messages. Hope to someday be able to reply.
All my videos are in safe hands so might some day be published for your entertainment.
I loved the YouTube experience and wish you all lots of fun with it.
I loved life. Only complaint is that it went past too quickly.

Oh well, see you later will.

So that is two great losses this week, Will Smile to police/madness/bum cancer and Paul tyo those Electronic body music punters (finally found out what EBM meant) here's some mournful music to help get us through this terrible time. How will we ever cope?? This is worse than Princess Diana times ten.

2006-09-01T15:37:00.000+01:00

Not much to report, going to 2manydjs tonight should have some stories to tell. Time to go drink now. In the mean time heres a wee challenge for you.

1. Open new browser window
2. In the address bar type www.google.se
3. Click on bilder
4. Type drag queen in the search box
5. Look at top row middle column......
.......FaceOff?

2006-08-31T01:21:00.000+01:00

DEAR GRAMBLES...

Wow, i'm shocked...I totally thought it would have been old CSI Stockholm that would have come up with the goods concerning the previous post, I do, however, expect you to be rattling your paint shop like a bastard over the coming weeks ryan.

Anyway expect the jackpie to be paying chateau grambles a visit while you're away.

I'll be taking a shit in your kitchen, getting your LIVE rating down a bit, and stealing all your heinz spagetti.

In the meantime heres another picture from infest.

2006-08-30T09:59:00.000+01:00

Don't think a caption is needed

2006-08-29T02:02:00.000+01:00

Stop...

...what's inside of the lollipop? this fucker that's who.

Acht, speaking of those types, I spotted a pure white albino pigeon perched next to a bench with 3 coal faced eyes and teeth sitting on it while waiting for a train in Bradistan.

p.s. the trains are shite down there. get it sorted grambles.

2006-08-28T22:08:00.000+01:00

I told you gays aboot this on sunday morning, just forgot to show you it. The first cunt who says he looks like me gets a shite in their mooth!

2006-08-28T13:35:00.000+01:00

Everybody thought he was just another innocent internet eccentric. But even the most innocent can carry a dark secret. Four teenagers know his secret and he will stop at nothing until they are all dead. 21st Century Fox presents a Johnny Sellers production starring:

Paul Cooper as “Betty” an ultra slut transvestite cybergoth

Mazen Sukkar as “The Muz” as a dropout

Grambles P. Hutchison as “Phil” the high school jock confused about his lust for betty

Alan McDermid as “Winston” the high school geek turned hero

Colin Guy as “Will Smile/Prof. Smiles/McGandalf/Rocky” the schizophrenic maniac on the run......

Rated PG-13

2006-08-28T12:09:00.000+01:00

Meatloaf Likes The Bucky

After being invited to meatys grillfesten (The BBQ party in Scottish) Ryan brings his old faithful party drink along. Auld meaty gives it the thumbs up as you may see in the picture. And no, thats not a buckfast miniature. Sofie cooks the burgers which myself made with my bare hands earlier....she didnt really cook them well though, bit pink in the middle but we eats them anyway. After a few hours Ryan is pissed trying to confince the big man to become a wrestler, not only because of his sheer size but also his wrestling-esq real name of birth Marcus Konstinious.
The next thing i wake up it's 10am and my brain is fried from the whisky/voka/beer/bucky combo from the night b4, the höna reports she feels magic, brrrr. 1pm, i feel fucking magic after consuming 6 litres of water and two smoked sausage. Höna reports she doesnt feel too good, the old pink meat coming through i guess. The tri-weekly consuming of kebab from the day before yesterday has really paid off cos i can munch anything.

Anyway Maz heres a wee game you'll like, for that bit of glitter in you.

2006-08-27T22:35:00.000+01:00

Getting Older

Some folk are scared of getting older, others of losing their mind, posessions, loved ones etc. Me? well now you ask, it's turnng in to this guy.

Off topic - Dearryan/Dearpawl, Amanda ate a bird shit today. FACT!

Meanwhile here's another tasty tune. Burns will have to translate

2006-08-27T11:12:00.000+01:00

Message Received

Read
Message Sent 18.18
From - Maz

I'm going to grab some dinner then i'll head up. It won't be tantric.

*RING RING* *RING RING*

Awright Maz, its half eight what took you so long?

I ate slooooow

There's not a moral to that story, but it is true. I met him at nine. So here's some Fun Factory

2006-08-26T13:27:00.000+01:00

Gerard Depardieu and the three beasts

Noithing much to report but I have came across this beast.

Been playing 'Just Cause' all day - it's a beast of a game, makes me wish I could be like Jason Statham (no, not get dumped by Kelly Brook and be best mates with Vinnie Jones but star in amazing blockbusters)

PS I've been beasting Corned Beef all day - may try and make some home-made some day.

2006-08-22T22:52:00.001+01:00

That's right lads, the latest spotting of old Smilers occurred at 12.25pm GMT on 22nd Aug 2006, walking along Glasgow Road, passing the Grammar, in the direction of Barshaw. He was clean shaven with shortish hair - sporting his Magneto look rather than his Gandalf. He was also wearing a smart suit and tie. Dressed for court perhaps? He looked a little gaunt and/or wasted, but at least he's out and about. I hope he wasn't off to drown himself in the pond.

2006-08-21T19:55:00.000+01:00

Cheeky boy!!!

Well look who decided to show! It's only Mr Guy. By my expert calculamalations he logged in at 2am. What a sneaky bugger.

Meanwhile, I have found the perfect intro to Mazens Blaxploitation feature film which features him wrasslin swans, boars and an enraged pig.

I can just see Blanka strlling down the street with tasty lick.

Temptations - Ball of confusion Click for lyrics

<\embed>

PS anyone fancy a lemonparty??? Looks well cool.

www.lemonparty.org

2006-08-20T16:37:00.000+01:00

RE: WHERE'S MAZEN???

Mazen, on the night of saturday 19th Aug 2006 you were supposed to meet with Grambles for some boozing at the Crow Bar. Good old Grambles turned up as arranged, but you were apparently nowhere to be seen or smelt.

Upon contacting you, Grambles was to find that you had supposedly been in the Crow Bar all along. This is a bit of a puzzlement as Grambles couldn't spot you at all and hunted high and low at the time, without a trace of muslim anywhere.

If only Grambles had known that the fumes from the deadly potato drink known as 'Pocheen' that Murphy had been feeding you all night would alter your appearance somewhat from its usual state. A source reports this picture, taken at the scene :

2006-08-20T01:49:00.000+01:00

WHERES RYAN????

Mazen, you may have noticed having not seen Ryan kicking about the Last Post or Grambles' couch in a wee while. Wonder where the sly dogs gotten to these days? Here's a wee cryptic clue for you.

2006-08-17T22:11:00.000+01:00

Music News Mazen

Maz, I read a copy of NME for the first time in months when I was on the plane the other day. The thing has turned into Smash Hits; there was posters, an interview with Pink and if I looked hard enough there may have been a cut out and keep lyrics section. It was a fucking joke - including Barry Nicholson interviewing The Fratellis...how we chuckled - even the hen wasn't impressed and she puts up with me.

Anyway - The latest craze is Rave Rock or summit. Or, to be more precise, The Klaxons.(In the spirit of Phoenix Wright) HOLD IT!!! According to this muck that I "borrowed" off of the interweb then the Klaxons are dodgy polish/east german/austrian folk band. If you get the chance to listen to the "Clap Clap Song" then you'd have a big Mazen shaped grin on yer coupon...albeit with a manky yellow kiddie-on tooth. Ladies and tramps, I give you The Klaxons with 'Padischa Polka'

2006-08-17T21:50:00.000+01:00

FACEOFF 2.0

Not only does youtube user ellikorg have a friend that looks like jackpie but also a grambles lookalike talking shite in the corner

2006-08-17T21:16:00.000+01:00

It's a (Shit) Cat's life

Although it's never updated, and the majority of stuff is stolen or done by drunkards - this has posibly the worst piece of nonsense you'll see. Apologies to one and all.

I don't know whats worse - me finding this while trying to hunt down the Prof, or, the 37 year old dude who made this for us to marvel at.

2006-08-17T13:38:00.000+01:00

YouTube Face off

This guy looks like someone i know but with a lot more hair.

2006-08-16T16:42:00.000+01:00

There's only one thing better than old school wrestlers and thats good 'ol Ninty...aaah. But what happens when the two go together?

TRUE FACT - This was the last time these two champion wrasslers were to be seen together on film...not because of a fued, just because Cyndi Lauper was always sticking her ballbag shaped head round about whenever two or more wrestlers were kicking about.

2006-08-16T11:55:00.000+01:00

BAD NEWS.

Time to get the sad faces on ladies and gents as the GX superbowl has closed down...forever. Supposedly it never recovered after the beast known only as "Jackpie" stole a number of 4pt pitchers, last year. It is also thought that McDonalds are after him as well after they noticed that a Caution Wet Floor Sign is missing.

Picture Right -
A McDs wet floor sign yesterday - its identity has been kept secret in case the Jackpie comes back to get him too.

A police photofit has been received from the internets which apparently shows he jackpie mid flight.

2006-07-29T19:55:00.000+01:00

Yet More Hot News!!

Capcom have realized how big a story Willgate is and have sooked the swollen, red, puss filled udder of the cash cow with this...
Phoenix Wright 2 - Sex Offender Special Melee ultra Edition. They have also included Ian Huntly and Gary Glitter.

Have you no shame Capcom? You harlots.

2006-07-28T00:02:00.000+01:00

This just in!

I bought the only pair of head sized jeans in the whole of glasgow today

All is well!

(pics to follow)

2006-07-27T20:23:00.000+01:00

EXCLUSIVE - HOT NEWS

With various news sites (I) reporting that Oblivion would be coming to the PSP. Grambles here has only gone and found the only screenshot in existance for it. This, I believe, was taken exactly 1/1000th of a second before an achingly sloooowwwww loading screen appeared...again.

(I) - Mazen - kotaku.com a website that has gaming news, a daily read.

Talk about a scoop

2006-07-27T02:35:00.000+01:00

HOSPITAL BANS MAN ON SEX CHARGES
A man has been banned from going near a hospital after he was charged with a string of sexual offences against female staff. Colin Guy, 53, of Crags Avenue, Lochfield, Paisley, is alleged to have assaulted a nurse by touching her breasts, made inappropriate remarks of a sexual nature and behaved in a lewd, indecent and libidinous manner in front of two female members of staff at the Royal Alexandra Hospital in Paisley. A fourth charge alleges that he assaulted another nurse by touching her on the body and also her breasts. It is alleged that all of the offences were committed in the same area, in ward 22 of the Renfrewshire hospital on July 9.

Just hink where his hawns huv been

2006-07-27T02:04:00.000+01:00

Black Eyes, Black Lips, Black Nails, I Smell Irony

Yes mazen, Paul has become gowf....a cyber one at that. His days of I don't like electronic music, i only like music with guitars are over.

But who is to blame? Was it me who introduced him to industrial music that wet spring afternoon with the likes of Kompressor? His hypnotic beats Kompressing Pauls brain. Did Grambles push him over the edge with his patter? Was granny bambinos bolognese sauce just too good?

2006-07-26T18:43:00.000+01:00

Uncle Grambles Story Time.

Gather round kiddies Uncle Grambles has a story to share with y'all. Not a pagan old bear story but a belter.

Once upon a time there may or may not have been a great man who invented Vlogging. All day and all night the wirey old man would sit and consume many class C drugs and film himself talking madness. He was a very happy man.

One day he felt poorly and went to hospital, the old man was sad at this, very sad. To cheer himself up he decided to pull out his member and have one off. A nurse saw him

"Mr Old Man you cannot be doing that this is a hospital. Put it away! Now!"
The old man did not listen tho and continued to pull is pudding.

"You know you want it" he cried in excitement.

This made the nurses and the doctors and the patients angry, very angry. Mr Policeman was called to help out. The old man was confused and tried to get one of the nurses over the desk and scuttle her, oh dear.

Mr policeman arrived to help. "Stop That. Stop That NOW!", but the old man wouldn't listen and continued to tell people that they wanted it from him. The old man was restrained, while still bashing away.

The old man is now banned, very banned, from the hospital and awaiting a court date in August.

He also has a history of flashing himself at people.

Well kiddies thats me about done with my story time, tune in next time and keep

2006-07-25T22:43:00.000+01:00

Awright Maz, Ryan here.
I stay in Sweden now with my girlfriend Sofie. I think you have met her. Anyway i got shit faced yesterday/last night/this morning. Went out for the hona's twin friends birthday, ended up having a pinic in the park at 1pm with wine beer and vodka "i gets you drunk quicker" [1]. Big meatloaf somehow forgot they were twins and only got the one of them a present. Had an awesome game of drinking ludo, as you can imagine it got messy, nearly spewed after my third one, eat some cinnamon buns and i was back on track. I won the game due to the fact everyody else quit. About 6pm left the park headed home to wash my balls quick change etc headed back into stockholm to some bars, nearly got into a fight in two separate occasions (dam swedes cant handle their booze). After the bar shut sofies mates wanted to go skinny dipping, i was reet into that as there was a 8 to 1 girl/boy ratio. So went to the shop to get some booze 3.5% heinekens, i can see grambles turning in his grave when he dies. But its awreet cos you can buy that strength of beer 24 hours any day of the week. After the dipping of skinnys i found some fire wood and started a wee fire, this attracted backpackers from a near by hostel, few dutch cunts, couple of english and an aussie. In exchange for warmth of our fire they offered us booze and music which seemed a good deal. The firewood was running out fast so went looking for some more but couldint find any so about five of us ripped down a tree and chucked that in. All in all it was a lovely night until some dirty ginger taigs turned up and that was the cue for me to go home.

Love Ryan xx

Hutchison, G.P (2006) Grambes super book of shite , p.137. Penguin Books.

2006-07-25T21:13:00.000+01:00

Ps3:
Comes in two models - 60GB and 20GB
Costs £425, with a rumoured 150 deposit for pre-ordering.
No rumble in the pad
Built in Blu-ray
Smackdown postponed/cancelled for it this year

(Good ol)Ninty:
Reggie is now President of Ninty US
Yoshi Island 2 is coming soon
Starfox 2 also
Brain training apparently is working on you

MS:
Hd-dvd add on
Halo 3
GTA 4 exclusive! (well in that it ships the same day on ps3!)

Movies:
Xmen 3 was released
So was Superman Returns (just in case you forgot about last sunday)
Clerks 2 out soon

Paul:
Loves goffs and EBM now

2006-07-25T20:46:00.000+01:00

Maz,

We are your friends, we care for you and we like you to be up to date with things that are going on in the world. Just to recap Ryan is in Sweden (Hello Ryan), we are still here though.

E3 was back in May this year...for a week...I think you must of been out to the shop that day(s).

PS3 announced...very expensive
Wii announced...Gamecube in new box
360 being the 360...no comment

I turned on my JPS (Jewish Positional System) this morn to find out what happened to you on Sunday nite.

1 - The Black line is the path we took home when you were with me.
2 - The red line is when you went solo home. Brain Training indeed.

PS - Message for Pawl - HIV's new stickers are just as wank to remove as the last efforts - get it dealt wi'.

More to come